I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
