And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
