Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i will never coherently bang her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
