I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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