I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
