and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
