I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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