While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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