nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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