take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
