i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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