I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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