I need help removing her.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
