I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
