Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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