4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
