guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
