When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
