Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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