I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Will exercising make me less horny?
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