am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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