oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
