1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
