Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
