You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
