I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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