I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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