Your tits are I can't wait for
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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