I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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