Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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