i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
