3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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