is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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