I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
