And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
