Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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