That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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