Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
