i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
