Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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