The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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