New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
