There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
