Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
