It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
