I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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