I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
