I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
