this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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