Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
