I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
