ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
