So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The best revenge is premature balding
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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