I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
