at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
