He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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