My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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