just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
