So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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