i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
