I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
