filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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