Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
