we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
