I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
