I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
