there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
