He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
His nipple licking is glorious
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