real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
