I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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