I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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