I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
