My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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