You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
