Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
