so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I could fuck to npr.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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