i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
