Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
