oh god the rape fog is back!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
