Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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