sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
