Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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